For the past several years God has been turning my perception of Him upside down. In the past, I couldn’t wait to bow down and worship Him as a very distant king, high and lifted up. I saw myself as His faithful yet undeserving servant. I waited on the fringes for Him to notice me, working hard to earn His favor, but messed up a lot. I was ashamed of my weaknesses, always feeling like God was putting up with me, but how could He really like me? My devotion grew with a willingness to go anywhere He sent me, but God was showing me that He wanted to draw me close right where I was. The thought made me uncomfortable. Looking back, I can’t believe my preference to grovel as a servant because of a reluctance to accept my position as a cherished daughter.
While a number of root causes may readily be identified by delving into my childhood, examining my relationship with my natural father, cultural things, and the general function of fatherhood in society–my deliverance came by tearing down a lie that we must all confront. If I were Eve in the garden, the serpent would be asking me, “Does God really love you”? This question forced me to examine every bad thing that’s ever happened in my life and worldwide to teeter on the conclusion that He can’t possibly love any of us. At best we bend toward His will, hoping to hear “well done, you good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21).
Deep down, I’d have to admit that this was true for me until we were shut down in our homes over COVID 19. Fear gripped me like never before, watching the news day after day, I faced the reality that if I didn’t have God, I didn’t have anything. I decided to look at my Bible again. Either I would embrace it all or none of it.
That first year I read my bible from cover to cover, chewing on every word like there was a nugget there just for me. The more I read, the more my perceptions changed. Not only does God love me, I saw over and over that God IS love. He loved me while I was still messed up. He gave up everything to snatch me out of a mess. I can never earn His love, but neither can I lose it. I was already good enough. His high value for me became very evident by the overwhelmingly high price He paid to redeem me. I had read the same scriptures for years, but the moment I determined to know truth, God showed me that He is truth and His words became life for me. He loves ME, not my efforts and not my sacrifices. I work and sacrifice because I love Him. I already have all of His favor. God loves me. I am His cherished daughter. He wants me close.
Today, looking at every bad thing that’s ever happened to me and worldwide has me leaping to the conclusion that God loves us all, continues to call us all, and has done everything necessary to redeem us all from a disaster He describes as darkness. He doesn’t want any of us to perish but Love is giving us a choice. This choice has rooted me in an identity and purpose founded on truth. I have a new peace and confidence in a good future, because God is good. I have rest from trying to fix a relationship that’s already been made right. I can finally be still knowing that He is God. God loves me. His truth is everything and is available to all of us through His word. We can choose to know His love. This choice has grounded me like nothing else, in a world that’s constantly shifting and trying to redefine reality. You can know it too. God loves you too. Be blessed.