Something happens to you when you become a parent for the first time. At least for me it did. There was apart of my heart that I had lost over the years from disappointment and bad choices. Up until that point I had no direction for life, no joy and I was trying to run away from every memory and reminder of my family and childhood. I was able to ignore things and get by, but then I gave birth to a baby girl. I had a strong desire to protect her, get well and give her a good life.
About a year before giving birth, we (boyfriend then, husband now) had just bought a nice house and I had started a good paying, respectable job. I thought I had everything I needed to be happy. The house, the job, the car and then, a baby. Yet I still felt sad and carried a lot of negative emotions, but didn’t know why. I thought that because I wasn’t apart of the unhealthy environment that I grew up in anymore and had a new life of my own, that I should be joyful.
I decided to talk to a counselor to figure out what was wrong. After only two appointments I decided it was a waste of time. With the long list of questions and so much history to tell, the sessions weren’t going to give me the answers I needed fast enough. I knew in my heart it wasn’t what I was searching for and she was not going to get to the bottom of it. I had many layers and years of stuffed emotions starting at a very young age. Most that I chose not to remember (and didn’t want to talk about).
One day while putting clothes away and cleaning my room I came across Joyce Meyer on television. When I heard her talk about her life growing up and what God had done, it was like a light bulb went on. My heart was ready. I soaked up every word of truth she spoke.
The first book of hers that I read was Beauty For Ashes. What changed my life was learning about Jesus’ unconditional love. That’s what my heart had been needing. I cried and cried as I read it. I now know that pieces of my heart were being healed.
My whole life my mothers love came with conditions. Do what she says or there’s a long list of consequences. It was always a system of control. I also had a father who was never home and if he was, he was angry and didn’t want to be bothered.
When I read that Jesus loves me and I don’t have to work for it, my heart was like “ding, ding, ding that’s what I’m looking for!” I instantly fell in love with God and Jesus (I didn’t know about the Holy Spirit until years later).
If you were like me and didn’t have the best home life or childhood, tried to fill the void, made a lot of bad choices, big messes and wrong relationships, only to end up not knowing who you are anymore or what joy is….. I have great news. Jesus loves you and He is the answer.
God cares about you and your life. He has great plans for you. Surrender your life to Him and he will make something beautiful out of all the ashes.
Isaiah 61: 1-11
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners Romans 5:8 NLT
How beautiful! Jesus really does want a relationship with us.